Father

For about 33 years and 10months

I never once remember how hard must've been for him to endure all the pain alone

To get us schooled and not being able to impressed his feeling..
It must have been hard for him.

I feel terrible looking back for all those years i never really appreciate him and his work.

Growing up he seems always furious, upset about all things and easily get upsets made us wonder what things actually ever made him happy?

Does having us made his life terrible?
Does he stand alone on his feet when he is not only breadwinner in our family? My mom also made a huge contribution to it.

This kind of thoughts has been in my head for years.

And the reality knock me down last years when i am having problem and the father that seems always upset always furious stand by me.
And only then i realize how he always stand by his kids no matter what.

And how possibly i forgot to those all good years ride on motorbike sending me off to school after dawn.

Thinking back when i was small, he used to scrub my back to remove all dirt. While i was little he always comes back home with foods even only worth RM2 banana fritters. How he always remind us about bring even 1 packet of candiea to your kids who always waited for you to be home.

And how could i forget all his pension money wasted on us when he actually dreamt of having his own car?

And how do i start barely walking again if without his help?

Now thinking that he got high blood pressure makes me realize how ages knock him down too.

How could i forget all those help from him?

I must have been terrible kids.

I am.

3rd Ramadan Kareem 2017